i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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