did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
