Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
