just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
