I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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