I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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