are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
