i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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