Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
