Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
