you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize