I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize