just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
