you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize