turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
