I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
