At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
