the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
