She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
