But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
