umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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