very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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