had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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