I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I look better un-naked...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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