if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
