you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
