When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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