those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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