I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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