You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize