I met the friendliest cop last night
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
