OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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