I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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