Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
