gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
