i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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