i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
