If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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