where am i from again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
