how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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