I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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