The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
