i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
