He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
