I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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