The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
