Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
