i just wanna soil my oats bro
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
