The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
