Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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