I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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