Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
40s are totally the cure
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
