I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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