I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
