:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
