hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
