Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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