Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
