you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's never too late to be topless.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
