Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
