i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
