Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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