It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
