So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
