Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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