the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
