dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
