When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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