last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
