She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
