Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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