I just cut my nipple shaving
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
