Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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